I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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