Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have aggressive nipples.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
