you guys were way drunker than both of me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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