My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
