Small penises have feelings too.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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