When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
