i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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