You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
