I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
