I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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