he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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