so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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