i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
