Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
