I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
