i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
