How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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