I wish I could teleport
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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