i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
