am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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