R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
