she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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