I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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