Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
