Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize