Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
