So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
