theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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