Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
