god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
