You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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