Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
