You made me cry and you don't even care
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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