Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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