Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
