Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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