my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
