you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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