I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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