Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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