Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
