Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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