i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
