what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You took a bar mat shot.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
