So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
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today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
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I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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