Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize