Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
