My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
