Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
