Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
