that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
