Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize