he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
as a side note pls kill me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
