They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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