Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
