i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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