My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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