And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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