Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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