Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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