Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
