what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My bed smells like the plague
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
