my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
