im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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