when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
