yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
