I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
