Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
are you so shy because you have an std?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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