At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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