i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
