I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Terrible idea I love it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
